About This Shirt

Okay, all of the things I did on Saturday night can probably be explained, although I can't see that they'd be forgiven. I accept that. I was partying, and I am sorry for it. I am sorry I showed up, drank all of your Gray Goose, turned up the Lil Wayne, and tried to make out with your girlfriend. Okay? I'm sorry, but that's just how I party. I'm sorry for my partying, okay? I'm also sorry that I found your parents' wedding photo (and by "found" I mean "took it off of your mantle where it was in plain sight:) and then drew a mustache on your mom...and then made your dad look like Dr. Phil. I'm sorry I did that...in Sharpie. That's just how I party, dog. And, yeah, now that you've brought it up, I am deeply, deeply remorseful over downing a fifth of Jack Daniels, putting on your favorite Gap sweater, spraying mustard all over it, and yelling, "I am the Mustard Queen! Find me a cash machine!" In hindsight, I admit that my little stunt was not funny, however, I still retain my status as the Mustard Queen and would like to find a cash machine so that I can pay for your dry cleaning...and for the shampooing you'll have to do on your carpet where I spilled all of that fondue cheese. Look, I'm sorry for partying, bro! So sorry, in fact, that I bought this shirt at Strange Cargo to show how sorry I am. It's the best thing I could think of to show my total remorse for my behavior last Saturday.

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